dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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