I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
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I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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