It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
