This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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