Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
