Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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