So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
