Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
