I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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