so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
