am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
