Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
