Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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