rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
