mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
