i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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