i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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