Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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