I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
