i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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