Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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