How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
