bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dignity is for republicans.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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