He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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