I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
