Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
