my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
