he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
this hospital has no fireball
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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