It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
