does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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