fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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