so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
