Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
