i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
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Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
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NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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