my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
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I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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