I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
