I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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