idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
