Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
