I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
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Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
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My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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