Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
