Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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