The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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