There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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