you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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