Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize