ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
