im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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