He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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