yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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