420 ftw
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
