Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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