haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
