can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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