Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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