Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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