why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
