He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
