and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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