Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
