So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
