so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
