dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
