Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
