meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
