Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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