$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
this just has baby written all over it
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
