If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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