She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
