oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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