can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
