I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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