dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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