you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
