made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
