The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
