Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
