Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
