Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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