Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
