is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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