New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
