She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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