I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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