I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
