barbara walters just said penis...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
