I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
