From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
