So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
