I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
