Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
